Remember
by
zoodenizen

Jack closed his front door behind him and headed down into his living room. He carelessly dropped his keys on the coffee table, sat down on the couch, hard, and slumped against its back.

Daniel was back. Alive. Human.

Daniel was back but he didn't remember crying in his beer in that chair across the room after Sha're was abducted. He didn't remember sitting on this couch trying to understand why his best friend was behaving like an ass during that whole undercover mess. He didn't remember nights spent eating Chinese takeout and watching hockey or the Discovery Channel. He didn't remember that he and Jack went to O'Malley's every Friday, when they were on Earth, for a steak dinner and a few games of pool.

He certainly didn't remember having a little too much to drink on the Friday after spending a couple days as a ghost. Or that Jack had driven them back to his place because he hadn't been drinking.

And Daniel had no memory of planting a sloppy kiss on Jack's lips and then trying to bolt after he realized what he had done. He had no memory of Jack grabbing him by the front of his sweater and shoving him up against the closed front door.

But Jack remembered. He remembered, very clearly, Daniel's shock when Jack had tried to give him a tonsillectomy by tongue.

They became lovers that night and he remembered every second of it. He remembered the way that Daniel's blue eyes shimmered with the reflected light from the moon. He remembered the taste and feel of Daniel's skin as he explored every inch of Daniel's body. He remembered the reverence and excitement in Daniel's voice when he called out Jack's name.

Jack remembered it all, including how he had ruined everything. He remembered flirting with his beautiful 2IC. He remembered when he realized that it was more than just flirting to Carter.

The two of them trapped in a Goa'uld mothership with an impenetrable force field between them. He looked into her eyes and saw...love. The kind of love that he had felt for Sara, all those years ago.

He didn't know what she had seen in his eyes. Had she seen the relief he had felt knowing that Daniel would survive? Or had she seen regret? Because there was regret there too. Regret for the pain that he had unknowingly caused her. Regret for treating his commitment to Daniel so lightly. In that moment when he was sure he was going to die he bitterly wished that he had done things differently.

Well, they hadn't died. Instead they were labeled zatarcs because they hadn't talked about their "feelings". He fessed up to caring about Carter, which was true. She was one of his kids and he loved her. He just wasn't in love with her. He was in love with a blue-eyed linguist who could never, ever know about what an asshole Jack really was. Jack planned to spend the next 50 years making Daniel happy - if he managed to live that long - and he wasn't going to let Centerfold Tokra - or his own stupidity - mess it up.

It didn't happen though. He should have realized that the only thing faster than a speeding bullet wasn't Superman; it was gossip. Daniel knew all about Jack confessing his "love" before Martouf's body was cold.

Only, it would have been alright if Jack hadn't tried to weasel out of confessing his sins. When Daniel asked him about his question and answer session he lied. Blatantly.

He still could have saved their relationship but he dug in his heels and started shouting at Daniel.

He remembered saying things like, "we aren't married" and "don't tell me how to act" and "I never said I loved you".

He remembered Daniel walking out the door. He remembered thinking, "good riddance" and "he was more trouble than he was worth" and "I'm better off without him".

And he remembered believing every word of it. He believed it while he was making Daniel's life a living purgatory - it wasn't quite hell...but it was close. He believed it while he threw himself wholeheartedly into his flirtation with Carter.

He continued to believe it right up until the moment he realized that Daniel was dying from radiation poisoning.

But, by then it was too late.

It was too late because he couldn't very well declare his love for Daniel in front of God, Dr. Frasier, and everyone. Not unless he wanted to be dishonorably discharged. Daniel would still be dead and he'd be a broken old man working at Walmart, because he would have lost his pension. Instead, he stumbled through a lame attempt to get his feelings across without getting his feelings across and wound up feeling like a coward.

He remembered not saying anything to Daniel when he was pulled into limbo, or whatever, by Oma because he might be a selfish bastard on a good day but even he wouldn't condemn Daniel to life as a glorified vegetable.

And that's exactly what he would have done if he'd confessed his love right then. Daniel wouldn't have left him and Jacob could have saved Daniel's life but he couldn't have healed him. Daniel would have hated being helpless and useless.

So, for once in his life Jack did the noble thing and let Daniel go. It was the least he could do for the man that he loved.

And now, one year later, Daniel was back - but not completely back.

Suddenly Jack straightened up on the couch.

Maybe this was a blessing in disguise. Sure, Daniel didn't remember that they were lovers but that also meant that Daniel didn't remember their breakup or Jack's behavior after.

If Daniel fell in love with Jack once, couldn't he do it again?

Just as he began plotting ways to seduce Daniel, the doorbell rang. Who the hell was that! It was the middle of the night fer cryin' out loud. If he hadn't been trying to wear himself out at the SGC he'd be in bed right now. Swearing under his breath he headed for the front door determined to get rid of whoever was there. He had plans to make and the heart of an amnesiac archeologist to win.

He threw open the door and opened his mouth only to close it again. He heard the click of his teeth as his jaw snapped shut and nearly bit into his tongue because the object of his affections was standing right outside his door. Looking decidedly uneasy.

"Daniel"

"Jack"

Jack waited a moment but Daniel didn't say anything else. He just tucked his hands into his pockets and flicked his eyes around at anything and everything except Jack.

After a few moments Jack realized that they were standing in his doorway like idiots and stepping out of the doorway he said, "get in here," and gestured for Daniel to enter.

Jack led the way back down into the living room and indicated to Daniel that he should sit on the couch.

Daniel sat down with his eyes taking in everything in the room as if he had never seen it before.

But then he hadn't, not really, because he didn't remember.

Jack perched himself on the edge of his chair and said, "So..."

At the same time as Daniel said, "So..."

Jack smiled bitter-sweetly and thought that it was just like old times. When he looked back at Daniel he noticed that Daniel had a peculiar look on his face.

"What?"

Daniel looked away from Jack, towards the fireplace. "Nothing."

Jack sighed. "Daniel, just spit it out."

Daniel's eyes met his for a moment and then flicked away. "Spit what out?"

"Whatever it was that brought you here tonight."

Daniel frowned. "I thought..." He took a deep breath, still not looking directly at Jack while he spoke. "Didn't we ever just spend time together for no reason? I think that I remember...but maybe I'm wrong?"

"You're not wrong, Daniel. We did spend a lot of time together. Enough for me to know when something's on your mind and besides it wasn't too long ago that you couldn't even remember my name. Why else would you be here, right now, if not to talk about something?"

Daniel began to pick nervously at his jeans. "You're right. I did come here to talk."

Daniel paused for a moment. "I remembered something. At least, I think I remember; I could have just been dreaming. It's hard to know what's real and what is just wishful thinking." He began to wave his hands in the air as he spoke. "I have no frame of reference. Everything keeps coming back to me in bits and pieces. Random bits and pieces. They don't connect to anything so how do I know what..."

"Whoa, hey. Daniel, stop." Jack interrupted Daniel's out of control babbling and went over to sit next to him on the couch. He put his hand on Daniel's shoulder but quickly removed it when Daniel flinched. He had forgotten that Daniel didn't like to be touched by any of them right now because they were strangers.

Jack stood up and walked over to the fireplace. He figured distance was the only way to stop himself from reaching out to Daniel. Touching Daniel was second nature to him and had been ever since their first mission to Abydos.

Leaning against the mantle, he turned to look at Daniel. "Why don't you tell me what you think you remember and I'll tell if it's real or not."

Daniel looked uncertain for a moment. But he apparently made a decision because his expression changed and he looked resolved. "I had a dream and you were in it."

"A dream. You said that you remembered something. What makes you think that it was a memory and not just a dream?" Jack asked.

Daniel frowned. "I'm not entirely sure. It seemed too vivid to be a dream - too real." Daniel began to "talk" with his hands again, moving his arms in counterpoint to his words. "In my dream we were here, in this house. And, although I didn't know it until I arrived, I accurately 'dreamed' almost everything about this house. Well, everything that I've seen so far anyway. It's possible that my memory correctly filled in the details about your home but that the actual events in the dream were just that, a dream. I just don't know." He dropped his hands into his lap and then looked up at Jack, something that he hadn't done since he started talking about his dream or memory or whatever it was. "And I won't know until I ask, will I."

"No, you won't."

Daniel shifted his eyes to a point somewhere over Jack's right shoulder. "We were here, in this room, you and I..." He stopped and Jack could see his Adam's Apple bob up and down as he swallowed anxiously. "We were kissing - passionately."

He stopped at that point and looked at Jack, to see how he was taking the news that Daniel had dreamed about kissing him.

Jack was dumbfounded. He couldn't believe what he had heard. It couldn't be true. Could it? Could Daniel really be remembering them? Jack took a deep breath, looked Daniel right in the eye and said, "Go on."

And, deciding that Jack wasn't going to haul off and belt him, he did.

"We were wearing worn looking jeans and t-shirts. We had, I think, been doing yard work or something because we were both very dirty - and sweaty."

Jack was beginning to feel a little sweaty himself; he remembered that day and Daniel was right they had been doing yard work. Until the sight of Daniel in tight jeans and a wet-with-sweat shirt that was clinging to his skin and defining every muscle got to be too much for him.

Daniel closed his eyes and continued, "We were standing in front of the sliding glass door, pressed up against each other. I leaned in slightly and swiped my tongue across your lips. You growled and captured my lips with yours. Suddenly, we were devouring each other with lips, and teeth and tongues. You slid your hand up under my shirt and pressed it against the small of my back and then slid it up along my spine pulling my shirt up at the same time. We separated just long enough for you to pull my shirt off and then you leaned in and captured one of my nipples between your teeth."

Daniel looked up at Jack through his lashes and then smiled. Really smiled, in that way that lit up his whole face; the kind of smile that Jack had seen very rarely and even then he had only known it to be directed at two people - Sha're and him.

At first he didn't understand why Daniel was smiling at him. All the blood that normally supplied his brain, and was needed if he wanted to be coherent, had headed south shortly after Daniel started his erotic recital.

Then he realized exactly where on his body Daniel's eyes were focused. And yes, he was obviously very happy to see Daniel...

"It wasn't a dream," he managed to croak out from a throat not so mysteriously gone dry.

Daniel licked his lower lip. "We were lovers?"

"Yes," he said and was mortified when his voice cracked.

Suddenly, Daniel looked sad. "Then why did I leave you?"

The look on Daniel's face and the misery in his voice was like a bucket of cold water to Jack's libido. "Shit. Daniel you didn't have a choice. If you hadn't ascended you would have been dead and I'd sure as hell prefer to have you roaming the galaxy as a psychedelic squid then dead."

Now for the hard part. "And you didn't leave me, I left you. We had a fight and I was an asshole and by the time you...well..." Jack looked towards the ceiling and waved his hand upward. "You weren't even sure that we were friends anymore."

"I don't remember that. I don't remember any of it. All I remember is that I loved you and that I still love you."

Jack blew out a breath, disbelieving and afraid to hope. "How can you say that when you barely remember me. Hell, you barely remember anything."

"Like I told you in the locker room before Jonas and I went up to Anubis's ship, there are some things that I remember but mostly what I remember are all these fragments of memory, hundreds of them that don't connect to anything else. They're just pictures or feelings without any frame of reference. Standing in front of a rainbow colored bus. A voice saying 'Daniel is wise' with a strong foreign accent."

Daniel stood up from the couch, faced Jack and continued speaking, "And feelings, I remember feelings - about you. I don't remember all the details. I don't remember how or when or why I fell in love with you I just know that I did because I do, love you, now. Isn't that enough?"

"I don't know. I don't want to fuck this up again. I want to do this right this time."

Daniel walked over until he was standing in front of Jack. "Then trust me."

"I do, Daniel, with my life."

Daniel laid his right hand against Jack's cheek and stroked his thumb over Jack's lips. Jack was unable to stop himself from leaning into Daniel's hand and he felt his resistance melting away. He wanted this, wanted Daniel and who better to judge what Daniel wanted and needed then Daniel.

Jack looked intently at Daniel trying to judge his emotions. What he saw was certainty and happiness.

Daniel wanted this, wanted him. All he had to do was trust.

Jack intertwined the fingers of his left hand with Daniel's and then kissed Daniel's palm. "Come with me," he said and led Daniel out of the living room, down the hall, and into the bedroom and, standing next to the bed, they wrapped their arms around each other.

Daniel smiled again. "I remember this, this is home," Daniel whispered into Jack's mouth as they kissed for the first time in nearly three years.

He was right. This was home. Luckily, you could go home again and this time Jack intended to never leave.

***End***