Altered Perceptions

Altered Perceptions

zoodenizen

He's the most beautiful man that I've ever seen. He's completely and totally breathtaking because that's exactly what he does - he takes my breath away.

I was waiting in line the first time that I laid eyes on him. The Queen Bitch had just pulled him out of line to stand beside her and was touching him and flirting with him while she worked.

I don't know what came over me. I spotted him and was struck dumb. I was unable to take my eyes off of him and for one frozen moment in time I felt immobilized and I swear that my heart and lungs stopped dead before everything restarted.

Of course, the first thing that I noticed was that incredible body. But I think that the most remarkable thing about him is his eyes. He has the most incredible blue eyes. They put all other blue eyes to shame. Those eyes were so full of intelligence, compassion and mischief when he looked at Queen Bitch and so full of cunning and wariness when he looked at me.

But that was my fault.

When I saw Queen Bitch touch him I just saw red. How dare she lay a hand on him? He's mine.

He just didn't know it because we'd never met before. We couldn't have. I'd have remembered meeting him. Although we became very close in my dreams...intimate even.

I didn't make a very good first impression, hence the wariness. I had spent a couple days trying to work out the best way to approach him - and still hadn't come up with anything - but I screwed up everything. All I can say in my defense is that she was my friend. My only friend in that place. Then, of course, there was the fact that I really wanted to make Queen Bitch pay for putting her hands on him and for being gifted with that sweet, shy smile that should have only been given to me.

Yeah. I know. I acted irrationally - not to mention stupidly - but I did get my hands on him. I touched his warm, silky skin and felt the weight of his body over mine.

I wanted more.

I wanted to climb on top of him and take his mouth in the hottest, deepest, wettest kiss that he'd ever had. But I didn't get the chance. We were interrupted and Queen Bitch took him away from me.

And he went with her. Didn't he know that he belonged right there...with me?

His beauty isn't only skin deep either. He's as beautiful inside as he is outside. He's brave and stubborn and loyal. Is it any wonder that I've fallen in love with him?

The next opportunity that I had to be close to him was when we were working together to save everyone's asses. I didn't have much of a chance to savor the moment; I was a little busy. But it was amazing how comfortable I felt having him there beside me. How right it was to work together like that.

I trusted him to back me up. I never trust anyone. Heck, I barely trusted Thera and she was my friend. Yet there I was putting my life in the hands of a complete stranger.

Even more amazing was the way we...flowed. It was almost like we could read each other's minds. It was perfect. We were perfect.

I got to touch him again. He put his hand in mine and I once again felt the flex of his muscles and the strength of his grip. I pulled him up and close to me. I almost got my first taste of him but when I say the expression on his face I just couldn't do it. He looked so distrusting.

He shouldn't have looked that way when he looked at me. That wasn't the way that it was supposed to be. It wasn't right.

He's in my dreams. Hell, he's always in my dreams, especially my more...erotic dreams. Can you blame me?

When he came to us with his feeling that we knew each other before, that we weren't who we thought we were, I was afraid.

I wasn't afraid that we were sick or even that it was true and everything that we believed was a lie. I was terrified that it wasn't true or that, whoever we really were, we weren't involved with each other. What would I do if it turned out that he was committed to someone else?

I wanted us to be an "us". I wanted to find out that the feelings that I had about him were true - that he was mine and that I was his.

But somehow I was sure that life would never be that good to me. After all, what would a man as beautiful, intelligent, and generous as him want with an old man like me?

He's my biggest weakness because I'll do anything not to let him down. He's made me become a better man. Not that he would ever try to change me. He didn't have to. There's just something about him that brings out the best in anyone that spends time with him.

I'll never forgive him for that.

I'll never be able to thank him enough for that.

I fought them every step of the way but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't bring myself to disappoint him. All I could do was pray that the truth wouldn't set me free but would tie me, for life, to the man that I now knew that I was in love with.

Sometime we're too close to a situation to see things clearly. Every once in a while everyone needs to take a step back and take a good look at what is really going on rather than what we think is going on.

Spending a week thinking that I was someone else gave me that opportunity. I started out thinking that Daniel and I were friends. I ended up realizing how badly I was fooling myself.

Daniel isn't just my friend; he's my reason for living.

It turned out that we were both right. He was correct in his belief that we weren't who we were forced to believe that we were and I was right to be afraid to learn the truth.

It seemed that everyone, including me, thought that I was in love with her, Thera...Carter...whatever.

Not that I remembered being in love with her. Although she seemed pretty sure of it - if the longing, thwarted glances she was throwing at me were any indication. It was too bad for all of us that the only romantic feelings that I had were directed at the gorgeous, blue-eyed man that couldn't remember my name.

I was positive that that didn't bode well.

I watched him walk away and wondered what the hell was I going to do now? At least there was one bright spot. I was almost positive that he wasn't involved with anyone else.

Unless I was just confused. I wasn't too sure of who or what I was because "Jack" memories were mixed up with "Jona" memories.

The only thing that I knew for sure was how deep my feelings for him went. Somehow, having my mind swept clean of all pre-conceived notions allowed me to see that the incredibly deep and powerful friendship that I shared with him was more than just friendship. I finally realized why I felt such jealousy every time he focuses his attention on someone else. I finally realized why I was feeling so threatened by our closeness.

Thirty years of conditioning myself to suppress my desire for men because it would cost me my career had blinded me to not just the possibilities but to the truth as well.

I wanted him.

But did he want me?

I don't know how I worked up the courage to approach him with my feelings but I did, and I'm more thankful than I could ever express that I did find that courage - and that he returned my feelings.

But that's a story for another night.

(~~**~~)

Jack smiled at his lover sprawled out on the bed beside him. "And that boys and girls is the story of how I realized that I was in love with my best friend."

Daniel returned Jack's smile with a watery one of his own. "You shit. Now I'm going to be bawling like a baby."

Jack leaned over and gently kissed Daniel's full lips. "Nah, not a tough guy like you."

He stroked a hand along the side of Daniel's face. "I'm sorry that I was such an asshole to you before I figured out that I was in love with you."

Daniel wrapped his arm around Jack's neck and pulled him over into a long, deep kiss. When they broke apart he said, "I know how you can make it up to me," in a voice husky with arousal.

Jack shifted so that he covered his lover's body with his own, careful not to rest too much of his weight on the man stretched out beneath him.

He leaned in and just before their lips touched he said, "As you wish."

Their lips met and Jack was once more lost in the taste and feel of his Daniel - intent on enjoying his Happily Ever After.

**End**